The Mapping of My Discontent

Have you ever been unhappy? {Can you see me raising my hand? Here, right over here…Hello, I have my hand raised over here!}

What…what is that you are asking? How did I go about dealing with it?

Why, blame others, of course.

What was your next question? Speak up, I can’t hear you…Was that how did I go about discovering the source of my unhappiness?

First, let me provide you a teensy-weensy bit of context.

I am in the recovery phase of your run-of-the-mill, education-enhanced, perhaps-I-am-getting-closer-to-40, I-have-my-back-wheel-stuck-in -some-way-deep-after-a-Texas-rainstorm-mud kind of rut.

Take a look at this picture.

Yes, this is a literal mapping of my discontent. I think the recipe for this level of crazy is one part natural tendency mixed with three parts architecture school and heaping scoop of business school.

You see, I never learned to feel. I learned to map.

So map I did.

See those times directly on the middle line, those are periods of mere average happiness, ya’ll.

See those periods above the line, those are periods of above-average happiness (traveling, exploration, limited responsibilities – wink, wink), my dears.

See those periods below the line…I think you get the picture.

How I went about diagnosing my problem is nuts folks. Certifiable, horrible, stifling, hyper-analytical craziness.

Which, as it turns out, is the actual source of the unhappiness.

Let go. Flow. Breathe. Explore. Feel around in the dark. Look fear in the eyes and say, “bring it on bitch.” These are the cat litter needed to get me out of that mud rut.

By the way, I do realize that it is very middle-class-American-girl (ok, woman) of me to even be this focused on my own pursuit of happiness. Hey, Narcissus just called…

So, the mapping will more than likely continue. You see, I know no other way to be. However, the breathing, flowing, feeling-y part is something I hope to get better handle on.